28 8 / 2014

Talked to my older sister last night, giving her details of my ultrasound and about life in general.

She asked if I was going to let mom do a traditional blessing ceremony. I said no because I don’t know most of those people, those people have nothing to do with my life, I can’t understand what they’re saying, and it’s just an excuse to party and drink all night. I’m not even Buddhist.

She seemed really disappointed in me. She said after mom dies, our culture will go too (in our immediate family anyway).

That is true, but there is a reason I don’t feel connected to Buddhism, Laotian culture, and the Laotian community. Growing up with 5 siblings and being the 2nd oldest, I was always told to stay home. I was always babysitting. My parents didn’t take me to temples. They didn’t take me to lots of huge Laotian community gatherings. There were simply too many kids to watch, and honestly, I think watching us kids would get in the way of their partying.

After that discussion, our conversation took a very candid and uncomfortable turn. She said I was passive aggressive and I agreed that I use to be when I was younger, but I’ve grown up since then and she continues to paint me with the same brush, and sees what she wants to see. She said I sugar coat things and I said I don’t. I gave an example of how we relayed the *same* honest message to my brother (he was going through a video game addiction and neglecting his wife and kids) and we got different responses.

I try to say honest things in an encouraging, loving, and respectful way - doesn’t happen all the time, but I try. Because seriously, if you’ve been acting like a pile of crap, you know it, and I don’t need to rub your nose it in, and point out the obvious. I asked my brother how sad it would make him if his daughter was being treated the same way he treated his family and I know it would break his heart. He didn’t say anything back to me, but we just gave each other a hug and I told him I loved him. He needs his moment to think about his life and make his change. I don’t have the power to change people, only God can. But I can try to love myself and my family, flaws and all.

I don’t remember what my older sister said, but it ended with a huge screaming match and her husband carried her out of the house and they departed earlier than expected from our family get together.

I told her she has an aggressive approach, she renamed it assertive. I brought up the fact that all of our huge family blow outs have been between her and someone else, but the common factor is her. And it’s not because she a complete bitch, but she loves her family deeply and her approach is very aggressive and not encouraging. That is why people respond to her the way they do.

We use to get in huge fights when we were younger. I now know where she’s coming from and that’s why I don’t react that way towards her anymore. I know she is coming from a place of love, maybe a bit of self righteousness, and she is just a diamond in the rough. Very rough around the edges.

She seemed really down after the call and I told her I loved her, this isn’t a personal attack, just one person’s perspective. I hope she has an awesome day at work and isn’t bogged down by what I said. I hope that I was honest, loving, and respectful towards her and that she didn’t feel stripped down and beaten by my words, because that is not my intention. I try to build people up, not break them down.

I love my older sister to pieces and I know her heart is in the right place. But what she thinks is right for her, doesn’t mean it’s right for me.

26 8 / 2014

I love diversity and learning about other cultures. Love hearing other languages spoken, my favorite is Gaelic - so beautiful!

But, if you can speak, read, and write in English, and you live in America, please never write me a 9 page handwritten letter in Spanish. Your disclaimer was thoughtfully written in English: If you can’t read Spanish, have someone else read you this lettter for you.

Never do this. Never.

P.S. If I’m asking specific questions about your financial situation, please do not write an autobiography for me regarding the last 35 years of your life. Pretty please and thank you.

23 8 / 2014

vivacityandserendipity, for employees only, we were a corporate sponsor for something :( Otherwise, I would definitely share the wealth!

23 8 / 2014

Anyone who signed up to walk 70 miles for the month of September got a free fitbit through work - first day testing it out. So fun getting free toys!

Anyone who signed up to walk 70 miles for the month of September got a free fitbit through work - first day testing it out. So fun getting free toys!

21 8 / 2014

Welp, 2 hours of mandatory overtime today. I don’t have any files, finished mine at 940 am. Just sitting here filling up my Target baby registry online.

I find out what I’m having next week :)!

20 8 / 2014

Got a meeting request from our VP today.

Did a double take and saw that it was for TODAY at 10:30am, so less than an hour notice.

Something was going down! Since we’re so busy, there wasn’t any time to gossip. Actually, I’m too classy to gossip, I meant to type speculate.

Reorganization effective immediately. Another portfolio has been struggling consistently. Now every other portfolio is giving up 20 underwriters to assist, currently temporary. Possibly permanent.

He announced we’re giving up 20 from our San Antonio team, we all breathed a sigh of relief. SA has always held our portfolio back with their substandard results. And the struggling portfolio they’re moving to NEVER makes bonus. Well, they miraculously hit bonus twice last year. Whereas we hit goals every month.

Soooo, what does that mean for us? Higher work volumes and overtime, thankfully, I’m not salaried.

VP said, “Strap it on guys, because we have a lot of work to do. We gotta hit it hard and fast to keep up with our volumes.”

Lots of immature snickering and red faces coming from the crowd, ha!

20 8 / 2014

1. I have a belly :D

2. For the first time in my life, I can feel my thighs rub together when I walk. I told my husband this and he mimicked the sound of corduroy pants rubbing together. He makes me laugh ♡

3. I’m trying to find maternity corduroy pants, might be the wrong decade.

4. Our social life has been more active than it has been in the last 5 years. Tons of double and triple dates. And I must admit, I’m having a lot of fun.

5. Since we’re a couple of blunt home bodies with a sense of humor that is borderline facetious, it’s hard to find couples we both click with. We have been consistently hanging out with 5 (!!!!) Other couples!! Count ‘em up, because that is a miracle, lol.

6. 2nd trimester is a dream and I’m loving this stage of pregnancy. I feel more like me pre-pregnancy.

7. I took a business class last semester and became fast friends with Asha. She is a sweet, gorgeous, muslim, Ethiopian woman. We’re meeting for coffee on Saturday and I’m so excited! I love that we can talk honestly for hours and there is no hate, all love. We are secure with ourselves and our faith. She is not threatened by the fact that I’m a Christian and vice versa. We lovingly agree to disagree. Mostly, we talk about girls stuff: guys, family, expectations, work, and everything lol.

8. I’m not perfect at my job (yet, ha!). But - but I’m doing a lot better with not beating myself up mentally when I make a minute mistake. I love my job, pay is great, bonuses are great, it is challenging, management is amazing, and I know I can be really - really good at it.

9. We have enough in our savings account to pay off our mortgage, whoop whoop! So, if I decide to be a stay at home mom, money won’t be tight because we’ll be debt free, just dealing with living expenses.

10. I want to work because I love my job. But I won’t do it unless I can find a daycare I feel good about leaving my kid at. And even then, if I have a change of heart - I might just be a stay at home mom. But I want to explore my options and try working first.

11. Looking for a daycare was very stressful, but I found a daycare I LOVE! Already paid my deposit to hold my spot. Huge answer to prayer! So thankful for God’s provision, most of my coworkers were on a waiting list. More details on this later :)

12. 2nd trimester is decieving. I was feeling pretty good about everything in life. Flashed my husband and told him to take a good long look because I won’t look this good in the upcoming months. I looked down and was confused to see my very round belly and we both started laughing. Definitely decieving, I feel better than I look and my confidence is off the chart, lol.

17 8 / 2014

Brought my puppy over to my brother’s house last night. Two of my nieces (Lex & Maiya) kept smelling him and repeating, “He smells like uncle Jeremy!”

Lol, so funny! When Jeremy wakes up. I’ll have to tell him he smells like an 11 pound puppy. If it’s any consolation, our nieces thought he smelled really nice :p

13 8 / 2014

Three of the strangest things about being pregnant:

1. I’ve never met this stranger growing inside my belly. Seriously, who are you? ;)

2. I love a person I’ve never met.

3. If it came down to it, I wouldnt hesitate to give my life to save my little stranger.

11 8 / 2014

I felt my baby move last Wednesday :D

I made good food choices this morning:

Kale smoothie (frozen banana chunks, green tea, kale, and plain Greek yogurt).

Ezekiel whole wheat toast with peanut butter.

Almonds and Brazil nuts.

Blueberries.

Prenatal vitamin and fish oil.

Day one of trying to eat well and limit junk for mah bae.